The Journal of Sain
by bladegryphon
Summary: Fire Emblem... through Sain's eyes. Ah, the cruelty of surviving battle after battle, and rejection after rejection. (inspired by ivanfanatic)
1. Days 1 to 3, 6, 9, 10, 13 and 14

bladegryphon: Er, no comments right now... can't think of anything to say...  
  
Sap: I can! As your muse, I will do the disclaimer! bladegryphon does not own Fire Emblem!  
  
bladegryphon: ...or the idea of doing a diary of a FE character...  
  
Sap: Well, of course!  
  
bladegryphon: -___-* You make me sound like a horrible person...  
  
Sap: ^___________________^ That's my job!  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
*  
Day 1 * Weather: sunny  
  
Grr... we meet two beautiful women in town, I mean goddess-like! Stunning! And then... one of them blows me off, and the other just ignores me. How can they possibly resist my charm?! I mean,-  
OW! Okay, Kent just hit me... HARD... what'd I do now? I can't-  
OW! Geez, that guy needs-  
...phew. Kent left the room. As I was saying, he really needs anger management. Now then, to go find that lovely barmaid I saw earlier... EEP! And dodge Kent!  
  
*  
Day 2 * Weather: sunny  
  
I can't decide if I'm happy, or if I want to go rot in hell. The two goddesses joined us, but they continue to ignore me! It's unspeakably cruel! I-... I'll shut up about that now. Kent just came in.  
Anyway, their names are Lyndis and Laura. Turns out that one of them (Lyndis, though she prefers being called Lyn) is the girl we were sent to find. The other's a tactician by trade.  
I don't think she likes me too much. We had to fight off a few bandits earlier today, and I, well, ignored her commands, got hit, and missed both enemies that I tried to attack at first, and then she just HAD to find out that I wasn't carrying any vulneraries. Oops. She's very pretty, but as I said earlier, I kind of ruined my chances with her.  
The two ladies are yapping about some sacred sword. I prefer lances.  
Kent just made fun of my manliness, saying I had none because I was "keeping a diary". Said 'diary' was thrown at his head. He knows my reputation as a womanizer, and loves bugging me by saying it isn't true. He's usually the serious one, too. If I didn't know better, I'd say he's in denial.  
  
*  
Day 3 * Weather: slightly cloudy  
  
Whee. I am now convinced that Laura hates me. She forced me to visit one of the houses, and all I "learned" was that as a cavalier, I can't go over mountains. I ALREADY KNEW THAT!! And our "favorite" tactician, who is currently reading over my shoulder, made a snide comment about my intelligence. I'm tempted to do the same thing I did to Kent to her with the so-called diary... and I just got whapped upside the head. What is it with people hitting me recently? Of course, I don't mind being hit on... ouch, just got whapped again.  
That idiot mercenary we had to save the fat priest from (Grass, Cup, or what ever his name was) cut my headband. My hair has been getting in my eyes constantly, I can barely see. Not that I really want to. Kent says that the girls have taken to carrying around scissors.  
The two are like sirens. Beautiful, but reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally scary. Lyn has that spirit sword now, and Laura... well, no explanation needed.  
  
*  
Day 6 * Weather: sunny  
  
There's nothing but trees in sight for miles. That means no new girls to romance. The ones I'm traveling seem to prefer the company of Kent, who has no hormones. Bored.  
  
*  
Day 9 * Weather: Sunny  
  
The girls finally got to my hair, well, half of it. I look like a --- idiot. Kent thinks it's an improvement. Laura says that's not saying much, being the evil little --- she is. Lyn's too busy laughing her head off.  
Now how am I going to pick up a girl when I see one? Kent just said by using my muscles instead of my cock. Excuse me while I go beat the living daylights out of him  
  
*  
Day 10 * Weather: soak-you-to-the-bone-in-seconds downpour  
  
We're staying here for the day, due to the rain. It's also the tactician's fault, she read yesterday's entry and, um... kicked the crap outta me. So I'm too sore to ride, or even move. I'm afraid to fight in the next battle. She'll probably try to send me into a huge group of brigands without a sword.  
Interesting, the way she got pissed off at me last time I had no vulneraries, yet she steals them all from me now. She even added insult to injury by giving them to Kent, so he could recover from our little brawl yesterday. Grr.  
  
*  
Day 13 * Weather: sunny  
  
Kent says we'll reach the village at the base of Taliver Mountain tomorrow. I can't wait for some DECENT attention from women (*hint hint* to two of my companions). A comfy bed, a barmaid next to me, and a new headband from the tailor's... wonderful!  
  
*  
Day 14 * Weather: slightly cloudy  
  
Two people joined "Lyndis' Legions" today. There's an archer named Wil, and a pegasus knight named Florina. Apparently she already knew Lyn. We found them both shortly after we came to town and saw all the ruined buildings.  
Two bandits had cornered out lovely little new recruit after she had landed on them. I think one of them got kicked in the crotch by her pegasus; he sounded like a five-year-old.  
Kent got to the lead brigand before I did. Killed him without any trouble, too. Always knew he was a show-off, being "Mr.I'm-better-at- everything-than-you". He also acts like he has a rod shoved up his ass. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he does.  
Wil's yelling for me to come help him with dinner. He has yet to learn that I can't cook to save my life... Nevermind, he just wants me to distract Laura so he can make sure everybody gets some. That's what happens when you cook pasta around her, Wil.  
Back to the subject of our most beautiful recruit yet. Do I want a timid yet beautiful girlfriend and certain death (courtesy of everyone I'm traveling with but Wil), or survival and loneliness? Ah, decisions, very tough decisions.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
bladegryphon: I hope you all enjoyed this so far. The next chapter will (hopefully) be up by the end of the week.  
  
Sap: review, criticize, you can even flame, though preferably not the last option. 


	2. Days 15 through 17

bladegryphon: I'm back with another chapter!  
  
Sap: Whoop-de-doo. Why can't you drag along any of your other four muses to do this job?  
  
bladegryphon: Because you're the easiest to push around, even it you act like Satan's long-lost twin.  
  
Sap: Grr.  
  
bladegryphon: *checks e-mail* Nine reviews already? And no flames either?! Wow! Let's answer them!  
  
Sap: Do I have to?  
  
bladegryphon: Yep.  
  
Kevin C: I agree, I had fun with days 9 and 14. He's an idiot all right, but this will keep going as fast as I can keep cranking out chapters!  
Aurora13987: I'll try! My writing style tends to be a bit shorter, but I agree with you completely. I admit to slacking off on days 4-13, but that's when they're traveling for 10 days. I didn't feel like doing full- length entries there, but I didn't want to just skip the whole ten days.  
Millennium Slinky: Hee hee hee! I just couldn't resist making those little comments.  
Cathy Barton: Hyperness is good! Glad you found it so funny. *worships you* Can't wait for chapter 3 of can't complain!  
Dragon's Destiny2k2: Your spelling and grammar skills are amazing compared to many of those in my English class. Thanks for the review!  
Lord-Pisces: I'm off to read your story right now. Ooh, I KNEW I should have ordered Sain as a muse earlier... Oh well. Maybe I'll just grab Florina, Nino or Hector.  
Seraphina2: Hey, it's you again! I agree with the spitefulness, but it can sometimes make the jokes even funnier.  
khmerboi919, Harunohi: Thanks!  
  
bladegryphon: Here's an extra thing about Lord-Pisces' review. The Diary of Erk by Ivanfanatic happens to be one of my favorite stories. It's true that I got the idea to do a diary from that, but I don't intend to copy any events intentionally. I hope that clears things up a bit.  
  
Sap: Hey, you only wrote three day's worth this time!  
  
bladegryphon: They're all longer than before, and I'm running low on jokes right now. So sue me (actually, please don't. It's just a figure of speech). And now, another peek into Sain's life -- this time with Erk and Serra!  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
*  
Day 15 * Weather: cold, clear, and cold. Did I mention cold?  
  
It's just after sunset, and there's not a willing girl in sight to share the view with. Life is far too cruel sometimes. We're in a ruined building right now, and everyone else is chatting with Dorcas (the new recruit) and his wife Natalie. Well, everyone but Kent. I offered to stand guard to let everybody else rest, but nooooooooooooo, none of the girls trust me on my own. They just had to send Mr. Rod-up-his-ass to "help". I'm currently plotting revenge. Heh, next time the ladies take a bath...  
Am I starting to get a nosebleed just thinking about that? Kent's looking at me strangely. Or maybe it's just the "diary" thing again. If he keeps looking at me like that, he will soon know the fury of a small book hurtling through the air. Maybe an ink bottle too... heh heh heh.  
All the stupid cracks in the wall (and the lack of roof in several areas) are going to make this a really --- cold night. How can Lyndis stay warm with a skirt like that on?  
Ow! Keeeeeeeeeent... He says it's because the plains of Sacae are warm during the day and cold at night, so she's used to it. Damn. I wanted to offer to snuggle with her.  
Laura's really short-tempered today. She's probably just PMSing. Either that, or Wil's not letting her get any of the pasta (yes, he made it again. I'm surprised we haven't all drowned in drool yet) until everyone else has served themselves. I want some too!  
  
*  
Day 16 * Weather: not too bad, but still a bit chilly for my liking  
  
The idiot brigand we faced today certainly lives up to his name: he "Bug"s everyone by just being there. At least our new pyromaniac got to take out some of his anger today before Kent killed him. Second time he's killed the leader, too. Grr.  
Aside from that, the whole camp smells like smoke... no thanks to our two new recruits. There's Erk, the temperamental pyromaniac anima mage I mentioned earlier. And then there's the... other one. Yep, another siren. She's pretty, gorgeous, dresses nicely, and has possibly the most annoying personality you'll ever find. Specifically, Serra: the "frail" priestess of Elimine.  
Actually, this could get pretty funny. Here's the current conversation:  
  
Erk: Serra, you're so... irksome...  
  
Serra: I KNOW! Isn't it wonderful? *deathhugs Erk*  
  
Erk: *eyebrow twitches* Argh!  
  
Ooookay, Serra just ran by with one pigtail black and smoking, screaming at the top of her lungs at Erk. I don't really blame him if it's his fault again (I wasn't looking), but he made Serra almost burst my eardrums. Besides, it's his fault about the bad word choice.  
He needs anger management classes too. Maybe I could enroll him at the same time as Kent, or even just get him a girlfriend. That cheers any man (except Kent) up! The trick is to find a girl willing to put up with his temper... but there isn't a woman in Elibe that Sain can't tame! I'll charm someone for him, and then I'll charm Serra and make her my lady! And-  
Ow. Well, at least we know the world's safe. Kent just hit me again. I'll explain later, Laura's yelling for me to actually do the night watch instead of slacking off. I have the ability to take my work seriously, you know!  
Note to self: If Serra rejects me, set her up with Erk.  
  
*  
Day 17 * Weather: Can't really tell, don't care. It was sunny earlier.  
  
Current location: Hiding from Laura. Apparently, she read the entry from two days ago during today's battle (where we got MORE new recruits) and is about ready to kill me for the "PMSing" and "drowning in drool" comments. So that's why I'm sitting in a really uncomfortable tree right now. I thought I hid this little book better... then again, it's probably Matthew's fault. If I die, it's his fault.  
My chances with Serra, or any other woman I meet, are temporarily ruined. Ruined! And it's all thanks to a silent nomad. Yep, every single girl in Rath's presence will be lusting after him. I can guarantee it. Of course, Kent says it's better they go after him than me.  
GAH! MATTHEW! He just climbed the tree I'm hiding in! Knocked him out in one hit before he could yell for our "favorite" tactician. For once, I'm more useful than Kent would be (he's not as strong as I am)! Score! No hard feelings, Matthew, but I really want to live to see tomorrow. Now, to go find a new hiding place, preferably a more comfortable one... 


	3. Days 18 and 19

bladegryphon: ^____^ I'm randomly feeling very happy right now!  
  
Sap: What? You brought ME here again?!  
  
bladegryphon: ^________^ And I have a free weekend!  
  
Sap: No way! Use the abomination your brother shipped over a while ago! *leaves*  
  
bladegryphon: O________________O What?! -___-*************  
  
Serra: HI! Hey, you could have written this earlier, why didn't you?! Huh? Huh? TELL ME! Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease? *makes bambi eyes*  
  
bladegryphon: Because I'm lazy. *checks e-mail* By the way, bambi eyes don't work on me.  
  
Serra: Ooh, lookit all the beautiful reviews! Everyone seems to love what I did! Can I answer them? Please? Please? Pleasepleasepleaseplease?!  
  
bladegryphon: NO. That's my job now that Sap's gone.  
  
Serra: But it's a muse's job!  
  
bladegryphon: You're an annoyance, not a muse.  
  
Lord-Pisces: *laughs at funny review* You should do one! Journals aren't that hard at all.  
khmerboi919: Almost as good as Erk's? That's high praise!  
Phoenix 14: Yummy! *eats cookie*  
Kevin C: Hee hee! I was already planning on the Lucius thing, but I'm definitely going to use that Nils suggestion!  
Ivanfanatic: Yes, they certainly are.  
zingamaroo: Yeah, Kent deserves it. Now I just have to figure out who I want that rescue scene to be with... Maybe Rath, heh heh.  
Bethany: I'll try!  
Gaijin-Poosh: Why, thank you!  
Paladin2007: I couldn't resist the tree thing, and it only makes sense for Erk to be a pyromaniac when Serra's bugging him ^___^  
*Serra*: Glad you like it so much!  
Millennium Slinky: The "Serra is ERKsome" bit was one of my favorite parts too. My friend and I were trying to come up with things to describe Serra, and I just started cracking up. She was looking at me oddly until I'd calmed down enough to explain that!  
Cathy Barton: You can't update? Ouch! ;_; The only thing I can think of to help with that is to try getting it on a different computer and posting it from there...  
  
Serra: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! I don't have anything to do... I know! I'll go bug Erk! ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRKY! Where ARE you?!  
  
bladegryphon: *locks Serra in a soundproof cell* Good grief, you're annoying...  
  
WARNING! READ THIS!  
I realize that Sain has said some potentially offensive things in this batch of entries. These are not my beliefs, and likely never will be. It is only in here for humor purpose, and because it is something he might say in that situation.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
*  
Day 18 * Weather: sunny.  
  
Laura decided to take the day off, and Kent was (naturally) against the idea. Actually, most of the guys were, so I guess her decision wasn't really her choice. Yep, she beat them all up. Our camp actually sounded more like a preschool than a small army for a little while: very amusing. Our tactician also seems to like me a bit better now for agreeing with her.  
  
Wil was the only other guy spared from her wrath, so he's even more in her favor than before. Curse his pasta-making abilities...  
Serra's bugging Erk as much as possible, because she knows he can't do anything about it (Laura confiscated his fire book).  
  
Serra: Ooh, Erky, you speak like a HAMPSTER now! That's sooooooooo CUTE!  
Erk: *sounding like a five-year-old* Shut up!  
Serra: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!  
  
I actually feel a bit sorry for him.  
Hey, Kent's up again. He's limping a bit, too... Maybe Laura managed to dent his chastity belt (Hmm... that was meant as a joke, but it wouldn't surprise me if he actually had one). I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anybody, but she DID kick him harder than anyone else.  
It's times like this that make me wish I was back in Caelin, doing my usual rounds with the ladi-  
OW! Keeeeeeeeeeent... Oh, I still have to explain that thing I said a few days ago. Basically, two signs of the apocalypse are Kent not hitting me at least once a day, and Kent showing he has hormones.  
  
*  
Day 19 * Weather: same as the past few days. What, you were expecting something else?!  
  
Ow... I'm only writing today because Laura's forcing me to. Funny, I thought she hated this thing. Maybe she has a fetish for seeing the world through my eyes... either that, or she's related to the devil in some way.  
  
Me: Well, hello there beautiful!  
New Recruit: Hello.  
Me: Would you like to have dinner together sometime?  
New Recruit: No, thank you. I'm not interested in men.  
Me: WHAT? We finally get another female recruit, and she's a F***ING LESBIAN? That's completely unfair! WHY does the world hate me so much?! AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!  
New Recruit: Not this again...  
  
That happened earlier today, and Laura whacked my ass for it (After she finished laughing her head off. Thankfully she only hit me only once this time.). Turns out that the "new female recruit" I was hitting on is actually a GUY named Lucius. Why didn't anyone tell me that earlier? I'm completely embarrassed now...  
There's another new recruit too, but I'm going to ignore him for now. Little imp almost burst my eardrums...  
Ah, the "fun" of working in an army with the following people:  
  
Myself  
Kent - MR. Rod-up-his-ass  
Lucius - The girliest male in existence  
Nils - eardrum buster  
Rath - My arch-nemesis  
Wil - Pasta-boy  
Laura - Crazy tactician related to the devil  
And all the rest of this less-than-sane group. Whee... Ooh, Laura's screaming at Matthew for something! I'm off to find out what he did to piss her off!  
...Never mind, she just wanted him to go shut Nils up: She can't hear the guy she's talking to, Ellywoof or something. There's someone else, too... Wow, VERY nice! Actually a girl this time, but she's about as timid as Florina...  
Hm? Lyn's trying to tell me something about her... WHAT?! Holy hell NO, I'm not going to go after her now that I know THAT! I don't even want to think about having Nils as my stepbrother...  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Sap: Two entries. Two! That's PITIFUL!  
  
bladegryphon: Gimmie a break, I had to do a lab report, several geometry problems, and write an essay. I'm feeling burned out right now.  
  
Sap: *snorts* Like THAT'S any kind of excuse.  
  
bladegryphon: You take way too much delight in making me seem like a horrible person.  
  
Sap: ^________^  
  
bladegryphon: *sighs* Please review. Remember, flames will be snatched by Sap to help his plans for world domination, and we reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally don't want that. 


	4. Days 20 through 23

Sap: You still have to do your take-home science test.  
  
bladegryphon: I know, dammit! Wait a minute... you're the one always telling me to write, and now you're trying to keep me from it?!  
  
Sap: *tries to whistle innocently* *remembers he can't ever be convincingly innocent* *remembers he can't whistle* Phooey.  
  
Serra: HI!  
  
Sap: RUN AWAY! *flees*  
  
bladegryphon: ...I'll be damned. There's actually something he's scared of.  
  
Lady of Dragons: That'll be a while, but I have a few plans for them!  
khmerboi919: ^___^  
Phoenix 14: Four chocolate chip cookies! Yummy!  
paladin2007: Hee hee hee! I just couldn't resist doing that!  
Dragon's Destiny2k2: Nothing wrong with feeling off. As for the Erk thing, he's temperamental around Serra (with good reason) and Sain hasn't seen him do much other than torch Serra's hair. Hence the pyromaniac label.  
kit: That he does!  
Kevin C: I pulled off a bit of humor better than you O_O That's news to me! I'm always the angsty one! And Serra is NOT a muse! She's too annoying to be one.  
Millennium Slinky: Ack! You're even worse than my brother when it comes to jokes like that! *joins in laughing at hamster-ish sounding Erk* I loved the last line of that chapter too.  
  
Serra: Who's annoying?  
  
bladegryphon: -___-* Never mind...  
  
Serra: Oh! Okay! *frolics off to find Erk*  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
*  
Day 20 * Weather: who knows? We're inside, and DAMMIT, I want to sleep right now...  
  
I'm so tired... Laura's been keeping me on watch duty, and together with this battle (it's about midnight right now), I've had, oh... three hours of sleep during the past two days. Even Kent managed more than that, and I could swear he's an insomniac! I actually envy him for once: he can ignore Nils' playing, and he can get the twerp to shut up, too.  
Ninian's been pretty quiet, except for when she tells Kent to let Nils be. And he listens to her. Honestly, every girl in the universe can walk all over him. All Lundgren has to do is send a squad of women out to meet us, and he'd be helpless... so would I, but that's beside the point. What can I say? I'm a ladies man! Even if all the women in this camp right now resist my charms...  
  
*  
Day 21 * Weather: Not too bad  
  
I can't decide whether I want to cheer or die. Again. Kent's horse threw him when it reared to dodge a ballista bolt. You'd think he'd have better control that that. Funny thing is, he sprained his back slightly, and Serra refuses to heal him. It took me forEVER to find out why (I finally asked Lucius) and pretty much fell over laughing. Kent landed on her!... Problem is, Laura's making me look after him. Stupid Kent, making Laura make me do this... at least he did something funny for once.  
  
Kent: ...  
Me: No, you're not.  
Kent: But-  
Me: NO.  
Kent: ...  
  
That's been happening about every five minutes. To think he scolds ME for having a bad sense of ah... self-preservation, I believe. He simply insists on going out to fight. I won't let him, though. Even if this is horribly boring, it would be worse if he went out there, got himself injured even worse (which would result in me laughing my ass off) and made Laura make me keep him off the battlefield again. Which would be even more boring than it is now.  
In a twisted way, I'm actually glad I'm not fighting right now. Even if I can't impress the ladies with my graceful sword and lance abilities, I'm not about to get fried either. You see... Laura, Erk and Serra are all chasing each other in a circle.  
  
Serra: ERK! Get back here!  
Erk: Get away from me! Laura, give my fire book back!  
Laura: No way in hell! Serra, stop bugging Erk! I'm sick of wasting gold on fire books for him!  
Serra: I can't! He's too CUTE! ERK! Get back here!  
Erk: NO! Laura, PLEASE?!  
Laura: *ignores Erk* SERRA! Stop this instant or I'll send you into the center of the battlefield.  
Etc.  
  
So Erk's running from Serra and chasing Laura, Laura's chasing Serra, and Serra's chasing Erk. Not that it's the first time this has happened (more like the fifteenth), but a bunch of other people got dragged into it, too. Ah, well. Matthew deserves it. Serves him right for startling me in a tree like that.  
Dammit, Nils is still fine, and he's playing an annoying little tune he calls "coming my way" (I only know that because Lucius told me right before he started cursing about a broken nail). Now I'll have another one of his stupid little ditties stuck in my head.  
Not much else today. It's been boring (where I am. Not out there, though). At least I get to sleep when Kent's not about to get up and leave... and when Nils isn't playing his flute... and shit, that means I can't get any sleep at all. Maybe I'll convince Dorcas to break Nils' flute.  
Looks like we'll be stuck here for a few days unless Laura carries out her threat. The enemy would definitely run once Serra got within ten feet of them, even with something Laura calls "duck tape" over her mouth. No idea what she means by that, but if she says it'll shut Serra up, she should do it.  
  
*  
Day 22 * Weather: Foggy and cold. Ugh.  
  
Baldy showed up today. Kent's going to kill me if he sees that, but it's true--I was blinded by sunlight before the fog rolled in! He needs to wear a helmet. Seriously.  
Erk did something hilariously stupid today. He cast fire really close to a mill--which means near compressed flour. It exploded, and now there's an angry old woman chasing him around throwing various pots and pans at him. Maybe we should recruit her: she'd be much more useful than Serra (who does nothing more than make Erk waste his fire books to make her go away).  
Speaking of Serra, she and Lucius had interesting reactions to the explosion. Serra's hair flew out of its pigtails, and Laura started cracking up and saying she looked worse than Lowen on a bad hair day. No clue who that is... our tactician is a strange one. Lucius was even funnier. He was closer to the blast, so a bunch of ash landed in his hair. Now he's using a rather unholy vocabulary while bitching about how is hair is ruined. I forgot to mention that it's also standing on end.  
Nils was waving a torch he got in the village in my face. I was soooooooo tempted to call Erk over (to light Nils, not the torch).  
Kent's face is as red as his armor right now. Laura sent him over to deal with a bunch of archers, but it was only to serve as a "meat shield" (as Laura called it) so Florina could eliminate them! Our sweet little pegasus night is becoming quite strong.  
  
*  
Day 23 * Weather: Rain.  
  
Yet another day of listening to Lucius complaining about his hair. Whee. It's rained so much, Laura's making us stop for now. Meaning we'll have to finish off Lundgren tomorrow. According to Erk, Laura's thinking about having the monk deal with him (people ARE much stronger when they're angry about something...).  
I have night watch AGAIN (Grr) so I'd better stop writing. Wouldn't want to get hit by Kent more than needed.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Sap: Next time, Sain won't be the one-  
  
Zephyr: *punts Sap* No spoilers!  
  
Serra: What's a spoiler?  
  
Sap: *muttering* You, in regards to everyone's sanity.  
  
bladegryphon: My muses are truly insane... Anyway, I don't know how long it'll be until the next update. This is my second-to-last day of vacation... *sighs*  
  
Sap: *explodes* On vacation, you should write more than one chapter!  
  
bladegryphon: *hides from scary muse* I can't help it! I'm lazy! Besides, I started another story! Planning them takes time!  
  
Sap: *huffs*  
  
Zephyr: Review! 


	5. Screw the numbers, it's Last day of Lyn

Sap: Let me see... it's been HOW long since you last updated? ALMOST TWO MONTHS?!?!  
  
bladegryphon: Shaddup!  
  
Sap: -___-*** Hey, I'm just trying to keep you on the good side of your reviewers!  
  
bladegryphon: And your ulterior motive this time is?  
  
Sap: KEEP FLOWER AWAY FROM ME!!!!  
  
Flower: *comes in holding the Golden-Smut-Cam-Mark-X* Sap! There you are! *pounces*  
  
bladegryphon: *catches Flower* I know you're infatuated with Sap, but you're not one of my muses, so... *punts Flower back to Kevin C* Goodbye, and good riddance!  
  
Sap: And the reviews?  
  
bladegryphon: Ah, of course.  
  
Kevin C: I know, I'm a bad person. They'll definitely be mentioned in this chapter, don't worry.  
DarkLink313: For the sake of humanity?! Very high praise! ^______^ Here, have a cookie!  
Link015: Ach, your muses are arguing again... no big surprise. I sense a catfight coming very soon (again)...  
khmerboi919: 'kay.  
paladin2007: Hee hee! Thanks. Lucius is scary when he's bitching about his hair or nails O_o'  
Lord-Pisces: Muses are annoying. They deserve a good whacking-around once in a while at the very least. *glares at muses* And you get to see the wonderfulness of duct tape here! Serra being quiet for once... *sighs in bliss*  
Millennium Slinky: ^____________^ Yes, Kent IS a doormat! *walks all over him in your stead* I couldn't resist having a bit of fun with Wallace like that. He gets on my nerves... Yay! Serra gets whacked!  
The Dark Dragoness: You really think so? Thanks!  
Rockie1: Here's more!  
magicalfish: Thank you!  
Shinobi Demoness: YAY! Nils haters unite! ^_____^ Oh, torturing Sain is SO much fun to do... glad you like it so much!  
  
Serra: HI!  
  
bladegryphon: -___-* Who freed you from that trap in the ballista's range?  
  
Serra: Nils did! He's such an angel!  
  
bladegryphon: *twitches* You got freed by the tone-deaf dummy... BALM!  
  
Balm: You rang?  
  
bladegryphon: I have a little job for you...  
  
Zephyr: There may be a few references in here having to do with the MT forums, which are on ivanfanatic's website. Just a little warning, in case there are a few things you don't understand.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
*  
Day 24 * Weather: A completely random mix of sun and rain. Grr.  
  
Lucius is very, very scary. He/She/It was bitching about ruined hair (for the 45,624th time today) so Laura just got sick of it and sent him/her/it over to face Lundgren and have his/her/its eardrums damaged by Nils. Yes, that's right. I'm not so sure of Lucius' gender anymore. He/She/It complains way too much to be a guy, but... yeah. Very scary.  
So Lucius killed Lundgren, claiming it was his fault for making all of us fight out in the rain, which ruined his/her/its hair. Then Lyn had a touching reunion with Lord Hausen, blah, blah, blah. I'm bored because Kent locked me in my quarters for the time being. He said I'd go to the maid's rooms and flirt with all of them... he knows me a bit TOO well. Almost. It would have gone beyond flirting... (okay, so that's wishful thinking on my part, but I can't help it!)  
I'm going to play a joke on Kent the instant he unlocks my door (he asked Matthew to steal my key). I just have to pick which one I want to play on him...  
  
............................................................................ ........................................  
  
Ah, Kent here. Sain was holding this when he played a "little joke" on me, so I decided to go through it.  
Sain, you are a real asshole, you know that? Why do I even bother to put up with you?!  
First, I'm SICK of your shameless flirting! You're never going to get a girl that way, and if you ever manage to, you can stew my boots and serve them to me for dinner. Actually, any girl who ever agreed to be your lover would probably be very sick in the head.  
Then there are your complaints about all of the other party members.  
No matter what you say, I don't have a rod shoved up my ass, as you put it. It's called being responsible. And that little comment about women being able to walk all over me? I truly fail to see the humor in that, especially because it's not true.  
Why were you complaining about Wil making dinner all the time, anyway? It's not like you can cook at all. Oh, right. You just didn't want any girls drooling over things besides you. Our tactician is allowed to do what she wants, and there is no way in hell she'd ever be romantically interested in you, so get over her. Now. Speaking of which, she's not evil! She just thought you were competent enough to handle sentry duty, though I really can't see why.  
Wanting to 'snuggle' with Lyn? Getting a nosebleed just thinking about the ladies without anything on?! Sain, you really are pitiful, with a mind forever trapped in the gutter...  
Dorcas is not a "dork ass". You didn't write it in here, but I know you thought it... you're just lucky he never caught you flirting with his wife. At least you had the smarts to ask him to try to break Nils' flute... not that he managed to. Nils darted off a little too quickly.  
Erk, isn't temperamental, it's just that Serra gets on his nerves, annoying as it is to always be smelling smoke from his near-constant casting of Fire. He doesn't need any- WHAT?! You think I need anger management classes, and that I can't be cheered up by a girlfriend?! Good grief, you're a blithering idiot...  
What makes you think Serra would ever accept you?! Sure, she's a miniature, more annoying version of you, but... I just can't see it ever working. First, she's obsessed with Erk. Second, she's in service to House Ostia, while you serve House Caelin. Third, I'd drive her off in an instant to save my poor eardrums... they're already sore enough from your constant whining.  
Matthew was up in that tree because _I_ had asked him to find you, not Laura! And she found the diary on her own! You had no right to knock him down like that, and yes, I could have managed that as well. I'm not "helpless", as you seem to think I am.  
As for Rath, I'd say he's a welcome relief for the girls. They finally had an excuse to ignore you, though Laura continued to pay the same amount of attention to everyone... not that you bothered to notice. Besides, you have to admit that Rath is better-looking than you.  
Look, I was against the idea of taking the day off only because I thought Lyn would want to see Lord Hausen as soon as possible, and I do NOT have a chastity belt! Where you came up with that idea, I will never know. And I am NOT an indication of the apocalypse either!... though I must admit, Serra comparing Erk to a hamster was mildly amusing.  
Lucius is a "HE", despite what your twisted mind can come up with. I can't believe you actually tried to hit on him! Though it didn't sound like it was the first time... Now that I think about it, I overheard Laura muttering something about peat, fuss, and sorbet, but as to why, I will never know. I sometimes find myself questioning our tactician's sanity...  
I don't even want to see whatever else you've written in here thus far.  
  
Then, of course, there's the little matter of the joke you played on me.  
  
I'm sorry, but situating yourself out of my sight, sounding EXACTLY like Milady Lyndis, and flirting with me like you just did is NOT funny. You deserved to get whacked like you did.  
You were carrying your "journal" at the time, Sain, so I decided to take a look thorough it... in hindsight, that was NOT the smartest move.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Hannah: When am I gonna be here, whippersnapper? I want my pretties!  
  
bladegryphon: AUGH! *punts Hannah far, far away*  
  
Fawful: Wow... Kent can be meatily mean!  
  
Sap: *whacks Fawful* Oh, shut up.  
  
Zephyr: Please review!  
  
Flash: And say whether or not you liked Kent's rant, and how much so!  
  
Balm: If well-enough-liked, blade may make it a regular occurence...  
  
Serra: Next time, we'll be starting with where Sain returns in Eliwood's story, and you get to see what Balm does to me... ERKY!!! SAVE ME FROM THE SCARY THING!!!  
  
Zephyr: *whacks Serra* So REVIEW!!! (please) The next update should be later this week. 


	6. Back to days 1 through 3 a year later

*Gives cookies to all who reviewed* I'm surprised this still has so many readers after so long! More than ever, even! Thanks, people!  
  
Well, for the most part, Kent's entry was well-liked, and several people suggested having other write in Sain's journal as well... now that the option is open, who knows what our poor emerald cavalier will find written in his journal? *cackles evilly*  
  
Also, several seem to want me to continue from Hector's instead of Eliwood's. So I say: sure, what the hell! It'll be fun! (even though I'm somewhat less familiar with Hector's tale) I can guarantee that everyone will show up at some point, though. Yes, even Wallace and Harken, and I say that because I always get Geitz and Karel. The more, the funnier!  
  
Zephyr: Review response time!  
  
Shinobi Demoness: Hmmm... that idea for fixing the Nils issue may be used at some point, especially if he annoys Karel when that idiot finally shows up. *evil grin* And you should try using Sain's joke that way! Even if it doesn't work, the results could be quite amusing.  
Link015: I know, I took too long... ^__^;;; *whacks Farina* Nobody asked you.  
Cathy Barton: It would be entirely unsurprising if he actually had one. And I just loved that prank the instant I came up with it. Had to use it somewhere!  
Kevin C: As stated above, it won't necessarily be Kent, but other people will be writing in it.... *whacks your muses* (in the order they spoke in) you're funny when angry, you're just a pain, and you've said that already; about 5 billion times.  
gentelness28: Really? Awww... I'm touched! *smile*  
Kiyoko-chan: Yes, Lucius is for sure... and I'm glad at least one person caught the reference to Kate's myrmidons!  
Songwind: You think I have his personality down pat? I thought he was taking on a bit much of my own personality (aka too cynical) but hearing that just makes me happy!  
Lord-Pisces: Duct tape is just great. I'm sorry you didn't like Kent's rant, but... *shrug* Hey, not everyone likes the same stuff. Don't worry, no offense taken!  
Zero84: Kent DOES rock! And he's fun to pick on, too.  
paladin2007: Everybody seems to like that prank! No need to be zombified anymore, here's another chapter!  
DarkLink313: Of COURSE you can expect more! *points* Just scroll down and see.  
Rednal29: Oh, believe me; I'm going to have lots of fun with Farina and Nino. *evil grin* You think this is one of the funniest stories out there? Thanks! Here, have an extra cookie!  
Sixclaws: Here's the continuation!  
Ed, the Master Tactician: On compare with the diary of Erk?! Truly high praise! And your muses are forgiven, as it seems to be their job to annoy the hell out of their respective authors...  
  
Zephyr: Wow, so many reviews, and so quickly, too!  
  
Serra: Mmmph!  
  
Balm: One trussed-up and drenched Serra with sliced pigtails, ready to be served with duct tape over her mouth!  
  
And that, my readers, is what happened to her.  
  
Flash: bladegryphon's brother pointed out that there are several Kent/Lyn things in here. As much as some people like that pairing, it won't be in here. The references are simply used to annoy the hell out of Kent. Which is always fun. ^___^  
  
*points at Flash* What he said. Now, on with the story!  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
*  
Day 1 * Weather: good enough  
  
I know, I know. It's hardly day one anymore. But you can't expect me to remember everything. Especially when a certain red-haired fellow hangs onto this damn thing for almost a whole year. Stupid Kent... Hmm, looks like he was rather annoyed with what I'd written previously. Not that I really care, this being mine, and not his. Anyway, I've decided to just number the days I'm writing on....  
Not much happened during the past year, aside from that one party. Ah, Kent will kill me if he sees this, and trust me, that would be a BAD thing! How will I be able to romance ladies if I'm dead?  
Basically, Kent had one too many glasses of wine (don't look at me like that! I was drinking responsibly... that time, at least...) and got into a rather... embarrassing situation. In his opinion. Now if he'd actually lighten up for once, he'd be able to look back on that and laugh, instead of becoming the demon tomato (turning redder than his armor, --- yes, that is possible--- and yelling at whoever mentioned the incident)  
He lost his balance slightly, and reached out to lean against the wall to steady himself... giving Lady Lyndis an accidental kiss in the process. Ah, I'm so jealous. She even helped him back to his room afterwards! I would have just gotten a slap from her, and Kent (were he sober) would have had to drag me back to mine. I feel so unloved...  
Excuse me while I go into town and find a barmaid to change that.  
  
*  
Day 2 * Weather: sunny, but the day sure is turning out badly.  
  
Fun-fun land, here we (Lyn, Wil, Florina, Kent and I) are... otherwise known as Caelin when taken over by a bunch of idiots who have a ballista. And getting chased out of your own castle just takes the cake... especially when the enemy came in and ate the one the cooks had spent all night preparing! I miss it already...  
So I saw a ballista bolt arc overhead, heard this maiden shriek, and (naturally) go to save her. And almost wish I hadn't two seconds later. If you're thinking pink, staves, and extremely annoying, then you're right. It was Serra. I rode in the other direction, leaving Erk to be the one to deal with her complaining about "Why would anyone want to hit ME?! I'm positively angelic! I'd never harm a fly!" Sure, you wouldn't. You'd just burst it's eardrums by squealing. If flies have eardrums. Sometimes I pity Erk for getting stuck with her, but hey, it keeps the rest of us relatively safe from that 'Serra'ted tongue of hers.  
Dork-ass is back, and he's brought his even stupider friend Bartre. I swear, their names should be switched. Matthew's also back; unfortunately for me... apparently he recruited this Sacaean guy, but I couldn't catch his name. Though he's obviously a myrmidon. The two lords in charge are Hector and Eliwood (Ostian and Pheraean, respectively).  
Let's see... there's also two old geezers, Marcus and Oswin, someone who looks kind of like I would if I took my headband off, which would be Lowen... scratch the earlier comment. There are three old geezers. I forgot about Merlinus.  
The other five are all ladies, though I've only met three as of now. The two lovely flowers, troubadour and archer, are the gorgeous Rebecca and Priscilla. Laura's here too, and was directing the battle plan. You see, all of us met up in front of Castle Caelin. Made introductions, laughed at the armor-coated fool sitting outside the castle... I swear, he's rooted to the spot or something. He didn't even move one step forward when Serra taunted him just out of a javelin's range. I have to admit, his willpower is respectable.  
  
*  
Day 3 * Weather: How am I supposed to know?! We're inside again! .... but it was decent earlier  
  
Florina kicked Bauker's ass when he fell asleep last night... okay, not literally, but it makes a funny image. And... Oh, please no... TWO tacticians?! ... Yep, there's two of them alright... Laura, who is Eliwood's, and then there's Hector's tactician; Katrin. A bit nastier and far more cynical than Laura ever was. Very dry sense of humor, too. Still haven't met the last woman yet, though I saw an old hag in Merlinus' tent a little while ago... dear Elimine, I hope that's not her.  
Anyway, during today's battle, Kent and I had to stay outside at first to kick the reinforcements around. Nearly got OUR asses kicked in the process, and would have quite royally if Laura hadn't sent Rebecca and Erk back to us when she did. We finally got inside, about halfway to the "throne room" of sorts before the battle was over.  
Problem with being tent guard is missing the funny stuff that happens in mid-battle. I had to hear it from Matthew (grr) and Florina. Some archer had aimed and fired at Katrin, and Hector grabbed her upper arm to try to drag her out of the way. Not only did she stay in place, the arrow missed her by a mile. To make things funnier, she just gave Hector a glare with some amusement mixed in, flexed her bicep, and opened his hand. Let me remind you, Hector's hands are in no way small. Oh, I WISH I'd been there to see it! He looks to be a bit afraid of her now.  
I think I know who the fifth lady is now... I could swear I saw a blonde chick complaining about her hair on the way out.  
  
* * * * * * *  
  
Hannah: Dagnabbit, put me in here already! I want my pretties!  
  
Skan: *eats Hannah* Yucky. Old lady taste damn horrible.  
  
*bashes head against wall* Arg, nooooooooooooo!!! Not MAY next!!!  
  
Balm: We all know what that means, unfortunately...  
  
Flash: A potential for a long wait...  
  
Sap: Well, damn. *grumbles*  
  
Zephyr: May is crazy schedule central, with three performances and a bunch of tests all in the same week, and rehearsals and studying leading up to that.  
  
Well, they summed it up pretty well. Sorry, but I really don't know when the next update will be. There MIGHT be another during April, but I highly doubt that... so the next update will likely not be until late May, around or after the 25th depending on how burned out I am. I'm sorry, but it really can't be helped! *hides from angry/impatient readers*  
  
Balm: *puts out a plate of cookies labeled "for reviewers to munch on while waiting for the next chapter"*  
  
Zephyr: Review, please! You get cookies to tide you over that way, and it will make bladegryphon very happy while she struggles to maintain her sanity for the next few weeks! 


End file.
